The Complete Patient

In the context of what's been going on here, I know I'm a little off topic. But maybe a little change of pace is in order...

A couple years ago, I attended a one-day meditation retreat at the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center. After several hours of meditation, Larry Rosenberg, the center’s founder, and leader of this retreat, initiated a discussion about what we were experiencing.

I raised my hand and said that I was a writer, and was having all these amazing ideas for articles perk around in my brain. I was truly amazed, I told the other attendees. 

I guess Larry could sense my pride, because he had only one thing to say to me: “Are you here to come up with writing ideas, or to become enlightened?”

Stopped me right in my tracks.

The weekend before last, I attended another retreat at the same place, only this one was for two days, and with a different leader.

I had the same experience this time—after some hours of meditating, all kinds of ideas were floating around in my mind. But this time, during the discussion, I kept my mouth shut. And, indeed, I tried to label all the article ideas that cropped up in my mind as what they were…passing thoughts, like clouds in the sky.

But after the retreat ended, I found myself wondering...if there could be a television show with people trying to lose weight as competition, why not a competition to see who can meditate the best?

Now, I know, meditation isn’t supposed to be competitive—in fact, it’s the antithesis of competition. But, hey, this is America.

With very little in the way of analysis, I could foresee problems, however. How would you ever pick a winner? And who would want to watch it in the first place? Watching people meditate is even worse than watching paint dry, since you can’t see anything happen.

But, then I realized, that’s not necessarily true. You could attach electrodes to meditators’ skulls to measure their brain activity. People could watch the meters light up and fade to see whose brain activity was changing in which way. Same thing with blood pressure. What could be more exciting than watching blood pressure readings rise and fall?

The big question from a TV producer’s viewpoint would no doubt be about the sponsors, and here I was at a loss. Sure, some advertisers now show people meditating, to poke fun or appeal to the latest fad. But most don’t want to really get serious about it.

No insurance company would want to get involved, since they sell fear, and meditation helps reduce fear. Nor would car companies, since they’re about appealing to ego, and meditation is about reducing the importance of ego. Or beer companies, since they’re about decadence, and meditation discourages decadence. Fast-food chains would be out, since meditation encourages taking care of your body.

I think the producers would probably be asking themselves: “Where’s the fun here? Or the love story? Or the violence?”

Maybe Larry was right, and I should just stick to becoming enlightened.