If those weirdo foodies want unpasteurized milk so badly, we’ll give them raw milk…We’ll just make them pay $50 a gallon.

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but over the last couple weeks, I’ve developed this crazy idea. What if federal and state regulators decided to change the rules on the raw milk issue?

Instead of berating and opposing raw milk, they say they might become accepting, under certain conditions.

What has me thinking that way? A couple things.

When Arkansas turned down a change in raw milk regulations, one of the big excuses was that it would cost too much in ag department manpower to inspect dairies producing raw milk.

Then in Connecticut, there was this initial proposal as part of the effort to eliminate retail sales, to require raw dairies to pay the cost of newly imposed pathogen testing. The Connecticut authorities eventually removed that in the face of dairy opposition, but it’s not certain it will stay removed. (Actually, they removed it for routine testing, but if a dairy is found to have pathogens, all followon testing must be paid by the dairy.)

A Connecticut legislator said last week at the hearing on the legislation that the fact the ag regulators are proposing to do routine pathogen testing now makes the new legislation “a revenue bill.” In the current “cut everything” climate, I could imagine the Connecticut legislators requesting a return to the state’s original proposal, and force raw dairies to pay for their pathogen testing, which could add many thousands to their expenses.

In any event, we now have two states in which the costs associated with raw milk oversight are an articulated issue. So I started thinking, conspiratorially, as I am wont to do, given the conspiratorial approach of the government overseers…Supposing the regulators and legislators start saying, “You know, we could be fine with your raw milk craziness, but damn, the costs are such, and the climate is such, we just can’t do it. Too bad. Just as we’re beginning to change our minds, the costs become an issue.”

The “solution,” eventually, would be for the dairies to pay their way–for the testing, for ag department inspections, for reports, for required bottling equipment, and on and on. All that will raise costs, and inevitably raise the prices of raw milk, maybe by a factor of two, three, five, or even ten or more. The higher the multiple, the fewer people can afford the product. Mission accomplished.