Mark McAfee and Scott Trautman rally demonstrators outside courthouse in Viroqua, WI, for Max Kane last December 21. Nearly two months ago, I reported on an imaginary job review of the head of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s Division of Plant and Dairy Food Safety, John Sheehan. It was a negative review, given all the marketplace and political inroads being made by raw milk. Since then, the political landscape has shifted to such an extent that I can imagine Sheehan being  called back for a followon session with FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg, and the conversation going something like this:

Margaret Hamburg: John, I know it hasn’t even been three months since your last review, but I wanted to tell you how impressed we all are with the way you’ve turned this raw milk thing around. Especially since I was kind of tough on you during your performance review.

John Sheehan: Yes, you were a little rough. But we’re a tough bunch at Plant and Dairy Food Safety. I passed your criticisms on to members of my crew, and we’ve all been more resolute than ever about this raw milk situation. One of my staffers even worked half a day on a Saturday on this.

Hamburg: Well, I wanted to hear directly from you how you turned things around. I mean, you are kicking ass, pardon my French, in Wisconsin. That is turning into a total rout. And now you’re even making hay in Massachusetts. Things must be changing there—first they put a Republican into Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, and now they’re shutting down raw milk buying groups.

Sheehan: First of all, I’ve made some personal adjustments. Most of these state people don’t agree with me that we need a total ban of raw milk, period, end of discussion. So I’ve tried to put that aside, or delay that goal, in the interests of the current priority, which is to harass the small dairies producing raw milk and the people who help them distribute the milk, especially these buying clubs. We’re trying to disrupt the raw milk supply chain as much as possible. If we can create enough pain for these small dairies, maybe we can discourage other farmers and entrepreneurs who might be thinking that raw milk offers a market opportunity.

Hamburg: Is that something you just came up with in the last couple months?

Sheehan: No, we hatched this out in discussions in the Midwest a little over a year ago. That protester, Max Kane, got ahold of some emails where we laid it out. I didn’t like the fact that those emails were made public, but we decided to ignore that, and just stay with the plan.

Hamburg: But why does it seem to be working so well now, when it wasn’t just a couple months ago.

Sheehan: Excellent question. We’ve learned some important lessons. Our biggest concern has been negating the raw milk leadership, especially this Mark McAfee in California and Scott Trautman in Wisconsin. These guys are wild men, loose cannons. You know as well as I do, Madame Commissioner, that we hate loose cannons. So we’ve been trying to put them both in a box, shut them up tight. Now, McAfee is tough, because he has such a market presence, and so many devoted customers out there in la la land. But we’ve been pushing hard on this civil suit to become his “partner,” if you know what I mean. We want to be able to come in and inspect his dairy whenever we want, for the rest of his life, and just to show him who’s boss, we get him to pay us for the inspections. How cool would that be? He says the most awful things about me, it’s terribly humiliating. If we get this suit to come out the way I think it will, he’ll be treating me with respect, probably calling me “sir.”

Now, on the Trautman guy, he seems like a McAfee clone. The raw milk people had a rally up there in Wisconsin in front of the court house in late December, and he turns out to be a barn burner, had the crowd all worked up. Then, the really scary thing, he chained himself to the fence outside the governor’s mansion on Christmas Eve. He didn’t stay long, but anyone who would do that, well, you just don’t know what else he might do. He had the people at DATCP, even the governor, all upset.

Hamburg: Okay, I understand what you’re doing with McAfee, but what about Trautman? How have you boxed him up?

Sheehan: There we have to credit the other side. His own people let him down. That rally for the Max Kane guy at the courthouse December 21 was actually a dud. Only 150 people showed up. Our Wisconsin people thought 500 might show, but not all the farmers seemed to support it, and so didn’t encourage their customers to attend. Then, when Trautman chained himself to the fence, they totally hung him out to dry. Only one person showed up in support, Max Kane’s brother. Can you imagine if 50 or 100 people had come out to support him? The whole thing, poor farmers and raw milk consumers out in front of the governor’s mansion on Christmas Eve, it could have been a media circus. Instead, Trautman gave up after a few hours and we all breathed a big sigh of relief.

Hamburg: That still doesn’t explain how we took the offensive.

Sheehan: There I have to give credit to the guy in charge of DATCP. Rod Nisteuen, or whatever the hell, I can never get his name right.

Hamburg: It’s Rod Nilsestuen. Yes, he’s a comer. We might be recruiting him here at FDA one of these days before long.

Sheehan: Right, Nilsestuen. Anyway, the guy is a genius. An absolute genius. After the Trautman fiasco, he came up with this plan for a “working group” to study raw milk. When I first heard the idea, I thought it smelled of capitulation. Something like that Michigan working group that eventually concluded raw milk is good for you. What a joke that was. But no, Nilsestuen is much smarter than that. His working group is perfectly positioned to be whatever he needs it to be. He can use it to delay any legislative action on raw milk. If the opposition gets its act together, he can have it recommend some narrow and very strict from-the-farm sale permit. Or, since it’s stacked with anti-raw-milk people, he can have it affirm Wisconsin’s ban on raw milk. Or he can have it do nothing, just kind of disappear into the ether, like so many government initiatives. No matter how you cut it, it’s a win. And he’s distracted the raw milkies into thinking he’s doing something positive.

Added to that, the raw milkies continue to help our cause. They can’t settle on a consistent strategy in Wisconsin. First they’re quiet about the legislation. Then they tell their people to call the legislators and DATCP. Then they say to be quiet. Supporters don’t know what the hell is going on. Now we hear they’re fighting among themselves. I thought at first it was a mistake to go after this guy Dan Siegmann, since he’s a leader for the legislative push to legalize raw milk sales from farms. But now he’s blaming other farmers for informing on him and causing the shutdown of his business, and is pissed at the Farm-to-Consumer Legal Defense Fund. So other farmers are mad at him for only rallying the troops when his own business came under attack. On top of that, this other group, the Wisconsin Independent Consumer and Farmers Association, has come out against the legislation that would legalize raw milk sales for Class A dairies. So the legislature has a good excuse to avoid the whole thing, and say it was the raw milkies who couldn’t get their act together. It’s a classic case of all-for-one and none-for-all. Beautiful. I couldn’t have choreographed it any better.

Hamburg: But that’s just Wisconsin. Granted, it’s a big dairy state, but how does it affect other places?

Sheehan: Excellent question. The really good news is that the Wisconsin situation tells us this movement lacks leadership. So our people in other states can use the Wisconsin scenario to mount a counter-offensive, and reduce raw milk consumption, or drive it underground. If it goes underground, and people start getting sick, we can just say, “We warned you.”

Hamburg: You should be feeling good, John. You’ve totally turned this situation around. If you keep this up, we’ll be looking to you for bigger and better things. Maybe put you in charge of our meat and veggie irradiation program, figure out ways to speed up acceptance of that cleanup effort.

Sheehan: I’m very optimistic. Time is on our side. The new food safety legislation looks likelier than ever to pass, since it has bipartisan support. Obama needs a win after the Massachusetts Senate race derailed his health care legislation. When the food safety legislation passes, we’ll have gobs of new funding we can use to grease the skids with the states, which are desperate for funding, and will prostitute themselves no matter how they might feel about raw milk. We will definitely be in the driver’s seat.